she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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