Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
