new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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