you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
