I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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