drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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