I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
