oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Randomize
