but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
