what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize