i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
