someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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