so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Dicks are not precious.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize