I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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