Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Houston, we have a blender
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
