We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
