No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
