mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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