i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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