erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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