Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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