you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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