Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
