my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
