I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
