The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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