dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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