Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We talked him into tasing himself.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
