im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
