so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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