i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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