see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
