I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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