Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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