you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
