i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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