I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
