Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
