we made out on top of his cat.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
