And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
