just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
And then he peed in my hair
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