just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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