Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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