My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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