We're like a lot better than the average bears
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Randomize
