im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
