Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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