So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I have fence marks all over my body
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
