don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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