I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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