She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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