Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
