Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
