why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i think i have herpe
just one?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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