it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
