hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
