The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
