I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize