i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
