Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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