can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
