I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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