Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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