His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
