so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
