Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
