We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
