i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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