i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize