i would punch a child for taco bell
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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