So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
