Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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