He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
