Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
