thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
