Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize