I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
