So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
