these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
