jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
