There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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