The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My vagina just clenched in fear
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
