you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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