Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
