When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
