haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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