I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I stole a fireplace last night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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