he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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