Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
MIDGETS
????
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
