Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
