Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize