having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I need moral support for this bender
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
