He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
