obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
