I can't watch pbs sober anymore
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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