I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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