sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
it glows. i had to have it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize