I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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