Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize