just come out here and I will go home with you...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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