eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
time to smoke my breakfast
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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