Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
