i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
