watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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