i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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