I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
