now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
