she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
