im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
