His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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