It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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