Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
