You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
