I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
